Wardrobe Malfunction
by A Heart For My Nobody
Summary: A beautiful romance always runs into its snags... and clasps... and belts... and cogs... and buttons... and chains... and... --Pairing: Cloud/Leon--


Leon's hands moved slowly up Cloud's body, feeling the rough fabric underneath the pads of his fingers. He found the clasp that hid just underneath the mercenary's scarf, and all he wanted to do was get it undone. Cloud sensed his lover's desire and gracefully slipped the scarf off over his head. Leon froze for a moment, but quickly decided that he should make the best of this opportunity. He fiddled with the clasp and eventually managed to get it undone. Following the clasp back to the large metal shoulder piece, Leon removed the second clasp that held it in place. He pulled the piece off of the blonde's shoulder and let it fall. The shoulder piece, however, made a clinking noise as it was suspended in mid-air by four belt-like clasps that ran up his arm from his gauntlet. Leon gave a rather exasperated sigh as he began to undo the four suspenders. Finally, the metal piece fell to the ground with a clank. Leon twitched at the sound but was too relieved that the piece was off to really care.

He now moved to the zipper at the top of the man's turtleneck. He began to pull the zipper down, revealing the mercenary's muscular chest, but was halted by a large half-circle of armor suspended on Cloud's waist by what appeared to be three belts and multiple buttons. Abandoning the zipper, Leon slid his hand underneath the awkward waist-piece and pulled it away from the rough fabric with the release of three buttons. His fingers got stuck on the fourth button, but before Leon could give himself a chance to doubt how good he was with his hands, it came undone. Now all he had to get rid of was the belts. It didn't take too much work to get these off, but with every belt undone, the metal weighed more. As the last belt was undone, Leon grabbed the hunk of metal, sparing Cloud's feet, and hoisted it off to the side. It landed with a crash, and Cloud only looked slightly concerned. With a sense of satisfaction, Leon returned to the zipper that he so fervently wanted to unzip. After unzipping the top the rest of the way, he pulled the shirt out from underneath Cloud's waist belt and began to remove it. He ran into a problem, however, when he got to Cloud's arms. He seemed to be wearing three more belts per-arm and a pair of gear like arm weights on his left. How many belts did this guy have, and how was this practical? He didn't really care though, he felt as though he must be almost done, and that was worth all the trouble.

He undid the belts one by one, and in record time, all six belts were on the floor. But there was still a problem. These cogs… these gear-like weights on Cloud's arm. What were they doing there? What purpose did they serve? He didn't know how Cloud even got these onto his arm, and certainly not how he himself would manage to remove them. His fingers felt around the cool metal of the cogs, looking for a snap, a clasp, a seam, a weak spot… anything! Cloud rolled his eyes and grasped Leon's hand in his. He then moved Leon's hand to a discrete release button located down near the center of the cogs. With a click, the useless object fell to the floor. Cloud let Leon do the second one on his own so as not to let him feel terribly incapable or inferior. Leon kept his usual response and said nothing. He didn't really care. Whatever got this done faster was quite welcomed at this point.

The remainder of Cloud's shirt seemed to be held in place by clouds unusual gauntlet as well. It was unlike anything Leon had seen before. It required one to pull multiple metal rods out of the wrist piece and then twist it and slide it off. It reminded him of fastening, or unfastening, a tree in place. Who wears that? Oh well, it didn't matter, because now there was nothing standing in the way of removing the shirt that had been in his way for so long. He did not hesitate in removing the said shirt, exposing the mercenary's fit chest. Cloud was even better built than Cid Highwind, maybe even in his peak, and Cloud was definitely younger. He hoped that he would see such superiority on the second half of the body as well.

Cloud's pants were not nearly as daunting as his upper body. Three belts stood in the way on his left leg, but these were not difficult to remove. From the belts on the leg, Leon moved to the only place that he thought anyone should ever wear a belt: the waist. He knew, he wore three there! That belt was harder to get undone, and harder still to get through the belt loops around the pants due to the enormous size of the clasp. Finally, however, he was successful. Only a pair of boots and rough fabric pants stood in his way now. His arms were already sore from handling all the weights and belts. Perhaps Cloud got this buff from simply dressing himself everyday?

The boots, just like everything else, were not easy to remove, but Leon was determined. He tugged and pulled and shook the boots off, sensing absolutely no assistance from his partner. Was he enjoying this? After the second boot was off, Leon quickly moved to the top of the pants and pulled down the zipper. He knew he should be taking this at a slower pace, but after all this work, he had to get what he wanted. He held his breath and slid the blonde man's pants down his fit legs, revealing chocobo print boxers held to Cloud solely by… a set of locks and chains!? Leon nearly keeled over, and for a moment he decided to spare more dots than he has ever spared, giving himself a long moment of silence to ponder his karma and his cruel fate, as well as mourn the loss of his sanity. After a long moment, he looked to his partner in what he was unsure if it was desperation or deep hatred. Among a scarf, a heavy shoulder piece, a large, useless, half-circle hunk of metal, a tree fastener gauntlet, a rough fabric shirt and pants to match, two heavy boots, two very, VERY useless cogs, and seventeen belts, laid a blonde, fit, Ex-SOLDIER mercenary: Cloud… asleep.

The End


End file.
